I think I've been possessed by the evil spirit of a disgruntled janitor living (deading?) in the hospital. From what I've gathered, it was a tragic mopping accident.

This would explain any incredibly rude or sentimental things I say tonight. (Not witty things, though, that's bits of me shining through.)

That ends your public service announcement.

I just broke bones from the fourth and fifth set of phalanges on my left foot. Good thing I'm already a doctor, or this might be hard to fix on my own!

Be right back, I'm busy trying to figure out how best to not come off as a drug-seeking lunatic to the nurse in this hospital. I have a feeling it's not going to work and I'm just going to have to show her my doe-eyes, though. ;;

Jack is sitting on my bed, but when I sat down, he didn't claw me or move. He's just laying there. He's not sick, is he? I don't know whether I'm more comfortable with that idea than with the idea that he's starting to get attached...


No, I'm not updating this with something useful. Go back to shagging your significant others, I'll be too busy figuring out how to best scare the pizza delivery man.

What is it with this hospital and patients running around out of control? Nevermind, clearly a rhetorical question especially since no one can answer it anyway.

If any of my patients feel like tracking me down on my off hours (ignoring what a bad idea that is on a good day) then I'll probably be hanging around George's room. His medical problems > your whining. So, have fun trying to find me; I do have a cell phone, but I don't think the hospital has its number. ;D Otherwise, my paycheck says that I'll be in my office like usual so there's nothing new there.


Oh. And if one of the nurses just disappears from the infirmary's pharmacy, I had nothing to do with it. Just figured I'd mention that. Some of us are less than amused when people with chronic pain are refused their refills, you see. Of course I'm exhibiting "drug seeking behavior", I'm fucking seeking drugs.

 

fearfearscream (3:02:08 PM): What would you do if Sands got ahold of a gun?

Kishamaru42 (3:02:42 PM): Be very, very quiet.

Kishamaru42 (3:02:43 PM): Of course.

Kishamaru42 (3:03:27 PM): Or throw something in someone else's direction to distract him; would probably work just as well.

fearfearscream (3:03:49 PM): Hmmm, I like that second answer best

Kishamaru42 (3:04:23 PM): I had a feeling you might.

fearfearscream (3:05:00 PM): We've never met and yet you know me so well

fearfearscream (3:05:03 PM): It's kinda creepy

fearfearscream (3:05:26 PM): No wonder Sands likes you, you guys can go off and be creeps together

Despite the lack of punctuation on Crane's part, I'm sure most of the people here can appreciate this, so I decided to share.

And Sands, I'm touched. Didn't know you liked me. Just hope you're not screaming out the wrong name or anything over it.

Also, since Crane is the creepy bastard he is, first of all - watch out for a gun. And second of all, I'm making a mental note that taping my cane to the ceiling might not be enough anymore. I've only got so much money for new ones.

...to read another conversation excerpt.

Decided I'd help you with that need.

You needy things you. <3


And look! Now you're in my bed journal as well. If you know what I mean.

Don't worry, Sands, you're better than he is.

I really like crossing out the text to make it harder for you to read. <3

I'm still so moved by the moment when we first exchanged names (after all that bonding we'd done) that I felt I should share. And, just because I know you're so touchy about it, you llitle cutie you, I'll put it under a cut.

 

( You may get teary-eyed. )
Anyone getting the warm fuzzies, or what?

Is nearly on par with the neediness of these crackpot patients. If they're not dripping acid, they're getting their eyes carved out. And then they need ME to give them medication for it.

How shocking!

In the past 36 hours or so, I've accumulated enough patients that it's disorientating. Not enough for me to calmly forget though, just enough that I'll never remember which nutter has what malfunction and what prescrip. So, I suppose I have to make a list to remind myself (and my darling dear fuckbuddies patients) of who's taking what. Don't need people mixing up their selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors, now do we?

George Harrison - Too much of a wimp to handle acid, and likes sexing people up a little too much. Not that there's really anything wrong with THAT, of course. Gave him Lexapro to start off with - have to make sure it doesn't kill him before stacking on others. Not in the mood for a lawsuit.

Johnny Whateverthehellhislastnameis - Carved at his skin to get "those things" out. I'd recommend the "nod your head and smile" approach with that one, people. He's on Haloperidol.

Eddie Van Halen - Falls asleep in awkward places, yet can't sleep at night. You'd figure he'd just accept that they balance each other out and not bitch, but noooo. Gave him cyproheptadine to try out.

Mick Mars - Cannot spell. Unfortunately, I'm not allowed to give him meds to keep him from writing anymore. Instead he got Eszopiclone for the first thing on his lengthy list of complaints ailments.
 

If I forgot anyone, it's probably because your symptoms were too boring or your personality too off-putting for me to remember. Feel free to comment here any corrections so I can mock you some more and check up on your status.

Then there's others I've met/had my room invaded by, but not prescribed anything for. Chances are you still need something fixed and you should get your ass to my office so we can discuss which happy pills you'll get to start popping.

Anyone else who's NOT seen me yet, either find yourself another doctor or get to my office. I'm getting tired of all you loons running around doing things like making people split off into different personalities and jumping in front of cars. What the hell do you think this is, a nuthouse?