Is nearly on par with the neediness of these crackpot patients. If they're not dripping acid, they're getting their eyes carved out. And then they need ME to give them medication for it.
In the past 36 hours or so, I've accumulated enough patients that it's disorientating. Not enough for me to calmly forget though, just enough that I'll never remember which nutter has what malfunction and what prescrip. So, I suppose I have to make a list to remind myself (and my darling dear
patients) of who's taking what. Don't need people mixing up their selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors, now do we?
George Harrison - Too much of a wimp to handle acid, and likes sexing people up a little too much. Not that there's really anything wrong with THAT, of course. Gave him Lexapro to start off with - have to make sure it doesn't kill him before stacking on others. Not in the mood for a lawsuit. Eddie Van Halen
Johnny Whateverthehellhislastnameis - Carved at his skin to get "those things" out. I'd recommend the "nod your head and smile" approach with that one, people. He's on Haloperidol.
- Falls asleep in awkward places, yet can't sleep at night. You'd figure he'd just accept that they balance each other out and not bitch, but noooo. Gave him cyproheptadine to try out.
Mick Mars - Cannot spell. Unfortunately, I'm not allowed to give him meds to keep him from writing anymore. Instead he got Eszopiclone for the first thing on his lengthy list of
If I forgot anyone, it's probably because your symptoms were too boring or your personality too off-putting for me to remember. Feel free to comment here any corrections so I can mock you some more and check up on your status.
Then there's others I've met/had my room invaded by, but not prescribed anything for. Chances are you still need something fixed and you should get your ass to my office so we can discuss which happy pills you'll get to start popping.
Anyone else who's NOT seen me yet, either find yourself another doctor or get to my office. I'm getting tired of all you loons running around doing things like making people split off into different personalities and jumping in front of cars. What the hell do you think this is, a nuthouse?